Song to listen: Shake It Out by Florence and The Machine
As I write this post, few days have passed since my graduation ceremony ended. There is nothing more I hate than goodbyes.
There are so many things I have wanted to say to these people. There things I want to show them. There are secrets and thoughts I want to share with. There are still some jokes left I want to tell them.
There is just so many things I have not done with them.
I don't know what to do with this feeling. I was not ready for this graduation to come so soon.
I don't know if I want to seek future without any of you by my side.
How come all of you are moving on so fast, leaving me behind in this race?
How am I supposed to catch up when you're miles away?
It's the year of stress, frustration, and everything in between.
You don't understand the struggle until you experience final year.
It's the point where you no longer care about As or 4 flat.
It's getting over the last hurdle to graduation that matters.
But truly though, I think most of the stress came to me was because of my procrastination.
I mean I don't think I have undergone the pressure of deadlines until I met final year.
There were so many waves of desperation and depression waiting at the bay during this period.
Like I cried while listening to Taeyeon's I more than I can count with my own hands.
But I think we all can get the gist of how I struggled through the final year based on my previous posts.
So let me talk about the people that matter to me during my final year at UM.
We called ourselves Team Sejuk or Sejok. The name behind this name was because one of us were curious if boys really do get hard during cold weather. It's not me who was curious, just letting yall know that.
The thing is I didn't expect to latch on them so suddenly. I didn't know I would get so attached to these people in a short amount of time.
Individually, I personally don't think we're compatible with each other.
First, there's C who is the most opinionated, outspoken Malay boy I've ever met with the most peculiar English accent. That is basically the opposite of me.
The most standout thing about him is he always tells us how he's different when with different people. Sometimes, I wondered if he ever thought me as a friend or just someone who he could benefit from. However, as I have come to know him, his backstory, thoughts, and feelings were more complex than I could fathom.
The funny thing is he's the one who unexpectedly has been by my side since the first year. We even took outside faculty subjects together. Due to this unplanned circumstance, my friends always suspect there is something more than platonic going on which is kind of sad because there is none. (I'm still single :|)
If there's one thing I like about C of the 4 years I've known him is his ambition and vision. I admire his tenacity and bravery of dreaming big things for himself. I don't usually like seeing others achieving their dream (because I'm bitter af) but I wish nothing but the best for him.
Second, there's G who I personally think is the mood maker of the group. Never it has ever come across my mind to befriend this fella. Initially, I thought he was too bright and I hate sunshine kind of people. Later on, I found out he's temperamental and I avoided him like a plague because I don't want to get on his bad side.
Then I realized something about him. He attracts drama around him. You know me well enough that I looove drama. Therefore, I like listening to his neverending drama happening to him. Also, he can drive anywhere I want. Being friends with him seems like a good idea to me.
As time goes by, he's more than a useful driver to me. He isn't as temperamental as I initially thought. I realized I have power over him; he sort of feared me/respect me. I like the fact by just giving him a glare and he understood right away I shouldn't be messed with. :)
He has known me so well that I felt like he must really like me even though I literally have zero effort in trying to impress him. I know I always like to tease him (mostly about his sexuality. with reasons ok) and make him do things but I really really do admire him. I am always in awe of his loyalty of being a good friend. He's the kind of friend that you need in your life.
Third, there's H who is the most laid back girl I've ever met. She's way more laid back than me. This person was someone I didn't expect to befriend with. At least not this close. I'm 100% sure if it weren't for this arrangement we were in, I wouldn't be this close to her.
Mostly because she's someone who I personally think as effortlessly pretty. Some people are blessed with great genes and she is one of them. To be honest, I don't get along well with pretty girls. Acquaintance? I can do that but as close friend? I don't think so. I don't really know why but I always felt intimidated by these beautiful girls.
So our friendship is some kind of a rare girl friendship I will probably ever have. I'm going to cherish that. There are so many things I look up to her but one thing that always stands out to me is her bravery to be opinionated. You know how hard it is to be a strongly opinionated girl??
She's like more YOLO than me. That is why she is such an enjoyable person to hang out with. Any guy who won her heart must be one of a kind, I tell ya.
Lastly, J, the easiest person to get along with. Instead of being complete opposites, we have more things in common. Like sort of similar taste in guys. We actually bonded over a boy back in the second year alongside D.
Anyone who likes the same boy as me is automatically a friend of mine. That's a fact. However, on my first impression, J's inseparableness to H was offputting to me. They were practically attached at hips. So I thought they must be one of those super exclusive friends who only befriends with certain people.
I was wrong, of course. J and H are completely opposite of that. They are friendly to everyone. One of the things I like about J is that she's the most okay-est person I've met. You know how some people have opinions and preferences. J doesn't. She always accomodates to whatever the others want.
She's just the right balance we need in our group. If she weren't there, this group would have fallen apart in days.
So yeah. These 4 people made a huge impact on my final year. I don't think I will ever regret meeting them. Even when they annoyed me or makes me feel sad.
Truthfully, I regret making this series of posts. By the time I've reached my third year post, I got bored of writing them. So you can see how half-hearted I have written them. Well, I won't ever make this kind of posts again.
There are so many things I want to write about but I forgot what I want to write.
Recently, as I was moving and organizing my 4 years worth of photos during my time in UM from my old phone to my computer, I got inexplicably sad while looking at it.
Time moves so quick like I still feel I haven't gotten the right closure with this certain phase of my life.
On the very graduation day, I didn't actually have a proper goodbye moments with these people. I got real sad when the last memory I had with them is me in my car driving away while they looked for me.
Like this is some next level sad romance movie.
I don't know if I can live with this kind of closure. That's why I decided to write this final year post mainly about them.
|This is like the last picture we took together before graduation.|
I am not an optimistic person, I'm a realistic person. I know the lies we tell to each other about keeping in touch with each other. Those sweet little lies I've been telling to my college friends who I've held dearly and to my high school friends who changed my life.
I know that it may not be true. But for the first time in my life, I really hope, no, I pray that we will constantly keep in touch and we won't forget about all the good things that have come from this and also the bad things as well.
For once, I want my version of How I Met Your Mother/Friends gang to be these people.